‘I Was an Infinitely Hot and Dense Dot’ by Mark Leyner

I can’t find an online link to this short story, so I’m going to quote the opening page as evidence of its brilliance…
i was an infinitely hot and dense dot so begins the autobiography of a feral child who was raised by huge and lurid puppets an autobiography written wearing wrist weights it ends with these words: a car drives through a puddle of sperm, sweat, and contraceptive jelly splattering the great chopsocky vigilante from hong kong inside, two acephalic sardines in mustard sauce arc asleep in the rank darkness of their tin container suddenly, the swinging doors burst open and a mesomorphic cyborg walks in and whips out a 35 Ib. phallus made of corrosion-resistant nickel-base alloy and he begins to stroke it sullenly, his eyes half shut it’s got a metal-dioxide membrane for absolute submicron filtration of petrochemical fluids it can ejaculatc herbicides, sulphuric acid, tar glue, you name it at the end of the bar, a woman whose album-length poem about temporomandibular joint dysfunction (TMJ) had won a grammy for best spoken word recording is gently slowly ritually rubbing copper hexafluoroacetylacetone into her clitoris as she watches the hunk with the non-euclidian features shoot a glob of dehydrogenated ethylbenzene 3,900 miles towards the arctic archipelago eventually raining down upon a fiord on baffin bay outside, a basketball plunges from the sky, killing a dog at a country fair, a huge and hairy man in mud-caked blue overalls, surrounded by a crowd of retarded teenagers, swings a sledgehammer above his head with brawny keloidal arms and then brings it down with all his brute force…
There are more ideas in a Mark Leyner short story than in most 900-page novels.
In My Cousin, My Gastroenterologist, Harmony Books, 1990. Also included in Storming the Reality Studio: A Casebook of Cyberpunk & Postmodern Science Fiction, ed. Larry McCaffery, Duke University Press Books, 1991

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