‘Moral Philosophy Exam’ by Alasdair Gray

“The horses were humanely killed because nobody else wanted them.”

This story, by Glasgow legend Alasdair Gray, is one I’ve never been sure what to do with or how to take. It is this that makes it so compelling.

Insofar as the story is a story, it tells of a TV programme in the vein of Rogue Traderswhich investigates small businessmen. Those, as Gray caustically remarks, who are too small to “afford to bring strong libel actions”. The programme investigates a horse breeder who left his animals poorly fed and badly stabled. The man is charged with cruelty to animals, jailed, and his horses are seized. They are then killed because there was nowhere else for them to go.

In the hands of another writer, this would be a small ironic story worth a wry smile but not much more. What Gray does, however, is he challenges the reader at the end with a short philosophical quiz, asking who cared most for the horses, who gained the most from the events, and who lost the most (surely the horse). The story is typical of his tongue-in-cheek style. You’re never quite sure whether he has taught you a lesson, or whether he is just winding you up. I always lean towards both being true.

First published in The Ends of Our Tethers, Canongate, 2003

‘The Crank that made the Revolution’ by Alasdair Gray

Alasdair Gray is the most wonderful, anarchic, infuriating talent. His writing (and the art that goes with it) soars at times to magnificence, while sometimes his playfulness and general atmosphere of seedy chaos results in odd and uncomfortable misfires. His stories have an unchecked abundance to them – not bound by any sense of decorum or genre. This one – and the delightful illustrations that go with it – is a blunt takedown of the industrial revolution, a kind of Morris-esque Marxist allegory of the problems of modernity. And a very funny story.

First published in Unlikely Stories, Mostly, Canongate, 1983, then collected in Every Short Story by Alasdair Gray, Canongate, 2012. You can hear it read by the author here)

‘Near the Driver’ by Alasdair Gray

It is possible that ‘Near the Driver’ is my favourite Alasdair Gray story simply because I heard him read it before it was published; it is therefore a story I hear in his voice. The central character is a “kind, intelligent old lady” not much used to modern trains who feels safer when she sits near the driver. Though the logic of this is soon disputed by a child in the same compartment, the feeling remains. As the passengers reminisce about the days of steam and argue about politics, the same child discovers that no-one is driving the train – it is being controlled by computer (a much less fanciful notion now, as are the pocket televisions mentioned in its 1999 setting). In many ways it is a typical science fiction warning, but one delivered with Gray’s typical erudition and humour, and always with an eye on the effects of ‘modernisation’ on ordinary people.

First published in Ten Tales Tall and True, Bloomsbury, 1993, and collected in Every Short Story, Canongate, 2012